One in a Zillion

It is strange that
I've come to this place,
And I find myself here
With you.

Out of the zillions
Of people,
That could be here
Next to me,
It's you.

What does that say?
About me?
About you?
Why does it seem
That this, US ,
Is what I really want?
What my heart wants?

I go to bed
Thinking of you.
I wake up
Thinking of you.
All the time it seems,
I think of you.

My favorite Sally Man photograph "Black Eye". The reason I love this picture so much is that you can't tell if the child is really dead or alive if you didn't know any better (she's sleeping).

Who is Sally Man

Sally Mann is just about my favorite photograher in the world. Her pictures are just so normal and morbid at the same time (maybe it is the black and white thing). Except the fact that her kids seem to be always naked these pictures could be straight out of your famiily picture album, I wish they were apart of mine.

The only reason I even came to this is because of my really unual English Composition class. I'm glad I took the time to look at it. Now I'm seriously considering buying one of her books. BTW my favorite one is "Black Eye".

Check it out,

BreathingNow

Love?

Today at school a discussion was promted by an episode on Star Trek: The Next Generation and it just happened to be that we have no control who we fall in love with. Strangely enough I'm working on writing a poem that is about that very topic. (Which of course I'll publish when I'm finished.) It seems everyone's position was somehow represented by one of the two characters. Jared said he wasn't looking for love and found it anyway, he was perfectly happy with himself. I myself share that same thought along with the fact that the person I love and I are so oldly matched. Another "fact" I mentioned was that my dad probably fell into the same boat as both of us. It got me thinking...Does anyone ever really choose who they fall in love with? Is it just one of those things in life we can't control? Kind of a weird thing to think about, especially if it all started because of a Star Trek episode. Television does seem to do that a lot.

Loving someone not planned too,

BreathingNow

English Composition: Significant Memory

So, You Want the Beginning?

On one of the worst days of my life I received a letter that would change my life, dramatically. What made this day so bad I don’t remember, all I know is it was. Once I got off the bus I started to walk the block to my house while talking to my new neighbor. As we progressed closer to my house I told him about how bad my day had been, I also added that nothing but a letter from Signature could make this day any worse.

For the last week I had been waiting for this letter but as the days passed I soon started to dread its arrival. This letter would tell me whether or not I could even show my face at auditions for one of the best winterguards in the state (at the time I didn’t know that no one was ever denied the privilege to audition). It had been so long since I sent out my application I thought that maybe they were never going to send me anything. So why should today be any different. Why should the mailbox yield anything to me besides bills and junk mail that doesn’t even have my name on it? Maybe I should just go inside and skip the mailbox, since I don’t get anything, ever.

But out of habit I checked the mailbox before I went inside. I opened the flap and it made the creaking sound it always did. Flipping though the mail it looked like, as usual, there was nothing for me. That is until I noticed the envelope that had the Signature logo on it; I ripped the envelope apart to see what the contents were. The first sentence was something along the lines of, “we are glad that you are interested in joining out winterguard, we look forward to seeing you at the audition”. Later in the letter it also said, “enclosed is the schedule”.

At this point I didn’t know what to feel: angry, upset, happy. So I think what I actually did was a combination of all of the above. I threw down the letter, stomped on it, while I cried, and told the letter how bad my day had been and it should have come yesterday when I wanted it. To any passerby I probably looked like I was crazy. Fortunately the only one around was my neighbor who was laughing at the whole thing, and quite frankly I think he was crazy.

Once I composed myself the best I could I started to laugh with my neighbor. Then I picked up the letter, which now had small holes in it and a nice texture from the street that I stomped it against, and tried to flatten it out and dust it off in vain. What do I do now? Beyond submitting that application I had no idea. Since I have gotten this far I guess I can go farther, so I guess that means I’m going to auditions! Let’s see how far I can take this.

How far can I take this? Far enough I guess. Three years later I find myself still a member of Signature. Despite what everyone thought, I’m still here. I’ll also be the first to say that I had no idea how much farther I really had to go, and I don’t know how to stop even when the final destination has been reached. Why stop at the border when you can see the world? My whole experience with Signature has been just that. I set the standards high and when I reach them I set them higher. In this aspect I could be with them forever. Now only if I could find the fountain of youth than I really could.

Tenacity

For the longest time I have been avoiding the doctor for the pure fact that they don't tell me anything good anymore. You can only ignore things so long before have to acknowledge them. Monday was that day. I just couldn't hold it off anymore. Instead of hearing something along the lines of you have cancer I heard you have carpal tunnel syndrome. When I told my dad he told me to quit colorguard. Want to know what I told him? I said I'd rather not be able to ever button a shirt again than quit right now. Of course he told me I was being dense but I told him what other choice do I have.

I have sacrified the last four years of my life to do what I do. If I quit now what do I have to fill the hole, and quite a big hole at that. What do I do when my passion is my pain? All I can do is live one day at a time and act like it could be my last. The question is...how will I handle my last day. I'll admit that I'm not the best at what I do nor am I the worst, but I could be considered one of the most dedicated. What is dedication without direction though? Lost potential.

Why does everything happen to me?

BreathingNow