Garrett

For weeks now I have been living in an illusion. I thought when I went home I'd have his arms to hold me and have him tell me that our love can make it. At least the part about him holding me would be true. When I sent Garrett that text message about looking forward to seeing him I finally got a response saying he was sorry he hasn't talked to me for awhile and that he got back together with his ex and is now engaged. Now my whole world has seemed to crumble, the little I had left of it anyway.

Garrett had turned into my one and only. That person I was going to make forts with, swap crayons, and we were going to live in each other's imaginary world. He was perfect to me. If I lived my happily ever after with him I wouldn't need anyone else.

For the first time in ages I let my guard down and bore my heart to someone, it got shattered to pieces. I had believed I wasn't capable of loving anyone. Than I believed I loved Garrett, and that I STILL do love Garrett. Garrett had changed me more than anyone has ever been able to do with just being with me. Just one week had turned me into someone who didn't know what real love was to someone who could love. Now because of that change I hurt more than I ever have in my entire life. It's worse than any disappointment I have ever experienced with my dad's broken promises, or the whole ordeal with Isaiah. As of right now I don't think I'll ever get over this. I can "believe" that I have but one little piece of of me will alway want to be with the one that got away from me.

I can't help but think that if I had just told him sooner that I loved him or if I took the risk and said I would want nothing more than to be with him the rest of our lives maybe I'd still have him.

Broken hearted,
BreathingNow